Could Living in a Multigenerational Home Work for You?

Rewire.org, Fall 2020

Rewire was a PBS digital magazine for 20- and 30-somethings published by Twin Cities Public Television (TPT).
Unfortunately, in August of 2021 TPT decided to stop funding and publishing Rewire, and the site has since been retired.

In April 2021, Jamie and Randy Millard closed on a new house—which they purchased with Jamie’s parents, Robert and Kay. This move was part of a long-talked-about plan to live in a multigenerational home, with the four of them plus Jamie and Randy’s two daughters, Robin and Dani. 

Jamie is an only child, and her mom’s aging parents lived with them when she was in middle school, up until they passed away when she was in high school. So, multigenerational living was something that was never a question for her; it just made sense. 

The economic benefits

Jamie said that, while it’s not why they made this move, the economic aspect helped make the decision a no-brainer. “Childcare is so expensive. Mom watching the girls saves about $15,000 a year.” 

“And if you look at living in a nursing home later on, when you're no longer on your own, that can be anywhere from $3,500 a month to like $6,000 a month per person,” she added. “[That’s] not economically viable for a lot of families. We get to spend more time together, but it's also financially a really sustainable solution.” 

Jamie said they met with a financial advisor as they were beginning this journey, where they were asked how they would split up household costs. Percentage-based? Even split between the two households? 

There are so many ways families can choose to divvy up costs, but they decided to treat it all as a collective pool of money. This works because of their shared value of financial transparency—something Jamie’s parents modeled her whole life. 

A shared space

And that’s how they treat the physical space in their home as well; it’s all shared space. They do have slight separation—Jamie, Randy and the girls have their rooms on one floor, while Robert and Kay have theirs on another, but their spaces aren’t off-limits to the other. “We just roam back and forth,” said Robert.

With shared space, they do family dinners together every night. Jamie and her dad can eat lunch together during work breaks, since they’re all working from home because of COVID-19. One day, Jamie got out of a meeting and found her dad and Robin playing Monopoly at the kitchen counter. Those moments are so special to all of them.

“It's great being around the girls,” Robert said. “When Randy and Jamie need help, now, we help them out. If we need help, they help us out.”

Multigenerational living: A rising trend

Multigenerational living is not a new idea; in fact many cultural groups within the U.S. and around the world regularly practice this living style, especially in regions and people groups where a more collectivist mindset is present. 

But it’s a practice that declined throughout the 20th century to an all-time low in the 1980s. However, in the last 20 years there’s been significant increases in multigenerational households—with a steep increase after the Great Recession.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis, as of 2016, 20% of Americans now live in multigenerational households—about 64 million Americans—up from 14% in 1990. These numbers are highest among Asian, Hispanic, and Black households, where multigenerational living is more commonly part of the cultural context. 

The National Association of Realtors’ 2019 Profile of Home Buyers and Sellers reports that 12% of home buyers purchased a multigenerational home.

Mike Smith, Broker and Owner of Anderson Realty in Minneapolis, said that, among the clients he’s worked with looking for multigenerational living situations, the reasons tend to be varied—”closeness for kids with grandparents, helping fixed income folks be in a stable financial situation or even allowing all involved to be in a home they otherwise wouldn't have been able to afford.”

Navigating a multigenerational household

However, there are things to consider before combining households with your parents. Specifically, the financial and relational aspects.

Amanda Nephew, LMFT and relationship coach, said that it’s important to consider the different generational values, personalities, priorities, and roles at play. 

She added that, in situations where children are present, differing parenting and discipline styles are likely to be the biggest sources of conflict. So it’s very important to be clear about expectations from the beginning—talking about parenting styles, what people need from each other, what they expect in terms of family time and alone time, how space is shared and how finances will be split up. 

Nephew suggests holding a family meeting every month or so to work out logistics and talk about what isn't working—but also addressing issues in the moment “so that things don't bottle up and then they become big explosive issues.”

On the financial side, Kyle Moore, CFP®, of Quarry Hill Advisors in Saint Paul, said, “The most important thing is that people have [decisions] in writing ahead of time, so arguments aren’t coming up about who’s paying for what and so everybody is on the same page on the front end.”

He said another important consideration is the way you own the property together. There are many approaches to this—joint tenancy, tenancy in common, or just having one family unit own the property and the other family unit contributing to overall costs. But Moore suggests talking to an attorney so you can outline what your wishes are and they can help with the ownership of the property.

“The main reason to think about all this stuff is so you don’t have unnecessary arguments or bitterness that come up from owning a property together,” Moore said. “Anytime you enter into some sort of financial partnership with somebody, there’s the potential that could really ruin the relationship. And nobody wants that, especially if it’s a parent and child.” So, ultimately, he suggests: “Not putting money ahead of the relationship.”

Moving in with the in-laws

JaNae Guzmán, who married into a Hispanic family, is learning about the long-held cultural practice of multigenerational households. Her husband, Javi, lived with his parents until he and JaNae got married—something she says is very typical in his extended family and in Mexican culture as a whole. And in 2018, they decided to move in with his parents after their living situation fell through. 

While this isn’t something JaNae was planning on or expecting, she’s really enjoying the arrangement. Living with her in-laws has allowed her to immerse herself in Javi’s culture and language. “It’s been really cool to recognize that some things about Javi are not just about him, they're about his culture as a whole,” JaNae says. Not only has she been able to learn Spanish more quickly, but she’s also been able to hear stories about his parents’ past, learn more about their worldview, and see their perspectives, first-hand. 

And it’s an arrangement they plan on keeping up long-term. The four of them currently live in a two-bedroom apartment, but JaNae and Javi are planning on buying a house this year, where his parents will continue to live with them. She says it can be frustrating to share such a small space—especially when more than one person needs the bathroom or there are multiple people cooking in the kitchen. But she says the benefits far outweigh the challenges—a big one being a more robust support system. Javi struggles with mental health issues, and JaNae says that it’s been invaluable to have their support in difficult seasons, where she’s not the only one speaking into his life.

Supporting each other

A deepened support system from being under the same roof was a huge driving factor in the Millards and Joslin’s buying a house together, as well. Jamie got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2018. They had already talked about moving in together before that diagnosis, but after that, they started seriously pursuing it. 

Now, if Jamie has a day with a bad flare-up, where she can’t do buttons or snaps or change diapers, it’s not just her and Randy, but her parents are there to help, too. “That's the kind of stuff where having two extra adults around to help is really good,” she said

“I just feel like this is the way society was supposed to operate,” Jamie added. “It’s just unrealistic to think that, in a post-industrial work society where both units in the household are working, that you can do all these things. And I just think that human care needs to be more collective and more collaborative and shared. And it helps the girls because they've got more people supporting them. They get to learn from all these different life experiences. But then for my parents, it's going to make the rest of their lives more joyful and love-filled.”